We tend to distinguish between being evil and making wrong decisions in life that result in harmful consequences. This distinction applies to most people, who don’t engage in a pattern of intentional harm. However, in the article below, Dr. Liane Leedom explains why sociopaths and psychopaths ARE evil. In their case, there is no distinction between wrong choices and being evil because they systematically and intentionally choose to hurt others or to disregard their feelings. Their choices are an accurate reflection of their intent to harm others and of their malicious nature. For this reason, as Dr. Leedom explains in the lovefraud.com article below, psychopaths ARE evil.
That gets me to sociopaths/psychopaths. These individuals do not just make “choices.” They, with malice and forethought set up situations where they will be able to gratify their deviant impulses. My former husband sought me out so he would have access to victims in addition to me. The choices he made started with his looking for his next victim on the internet. That victim turned out to be me. This situation is analogous to my eating the ice cream last night, because although I am trying to eat healthier, I did buy the ice cream and put it in the freezer myself. I would have eaten 250 less calories last night if I didn’t buy the ice cream in the first place.
It is clear that a person’s pattern of choices reflects that person’s drives and impulse control. Most sociopaths/psychopaths have a clear pattern of “choices” that show clearly what and who they really are. During psychiatry residency I was taught that the best predictor of what a person will do in the future is what that person has done in the past. This is because the past is a reflection of who that person is.
If choices are a reflection of our person and our drives are we without choice in the end? The beauty of it is that we do have choices because as humans we have some capacity to set up our environments and to modify our drives. If it was really necessary for me to avoid ice cream, I simply would stop buying it in the first place. I can also work on liking fruit or some other healthier alternative. As a human I can change what I like, what I want and ultimately what I do.
On the other hand, if you really understand the connection between what a sociopath/psychopath chooses and what he/she IS you will move from disagreeing with the choices to being disgusted by the person. Merriam Webster’s online dictionary defines disgust as:
1. to provoke to loathing, repugnance, or aversion : be offensive to
2. to cause (one) to lose an interest or intention
Notice that seeing the connection between choices, behavior and the nature of a psychopath, provokes loathing, repugnance, aversion and loss of interest in the person. I have stated before that I believe the people who are “fascinated” by psychopaths do not understand them. Understanding psychopaths breeds contempt not fascination.
The other difference between disagreeing with what a psychopath does and being disgusted, is that disagreeing is an intellectual exercise, while disgust is an emotion. If you are disgusted by psychopaths, that emotion means you comprehend WHAT THEY ARE with your entire being.
Can sociopaths/psychopaths get help or ever make different choices?
The problem with psychopaths is that they are so grandiose that they never examine their own behavior, nor do they ever seek to modify their choices. The choices they make are a deep reflection of their pathology. That pathology includes a lack of desire to be anything other than what they are. But why don’t sociopaths/psychopaths desire to change? The answer is that they enjoy their choices too much. They also do not have insight enough to comprehend that their drives are deviant. They think everyone else is as they are, only weaker.
The other problem is that drives are triggered by the things that remind us of our pleasures. Since people trigger the sociopath’s/psychopath’s deviant drives for sex and power, in order to begin to be different they would have to stay away from other people. Since sociopaths/psychopaths don’t want to be alone, they can never take the steps required for change. They will therefore never be anything other than what they are: dangerous to everyone.
Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness
Dangerous Liaisons: How to Identify and Escape from Psychopathic Seduction
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Roxie, I’m so glad that my articles are helping you and others. Soon my book, Dangerous Liaisons, about psychopathic seduction, will be out in print and that will hopefully help even more people. It takes awhile to come to terms with the absolute evil embodied by psychopathic individuals, since most human beings aren’t evil and heartless, the way they are. Also ordinary human beings aren’t complete frauds, posing as good, in love, etc when they are really out to harm you as much as possible. That’s why absorbing information about psychopathy is so important and takes awhile to come to terms with. I hope you will rebound from your bad experience with the psychopath as quickly as possible. Keep in touch, Claudia
This site has been the best help to me although I have also been helped by other sites and forums. But now when I get upset and keep going over and over all the happenings with ‘it’ (the psychopath), I open up this website and read some articles. For me it is like taking my medicine, except it keeps me from taking anything or from turning to drink which would be very easy to do. It brings me back to reality and the clear explanations for what would otherwise cause mental derangement. I was soooo totally bewildered in the end of that relationship that I couldnt speak to him when I was finally leaving with my car packed to the roof ready for my 7 hour journey home – again. this was the final time , however, but I just looked at him as he told me “Well I will certainly never forget you anyway!” I never spoke back. I just looked at him , not even with anger – just total and utter disbelief and amazement. What the f–k was he? Im still trying to learn and thank you Claudia for helping me.
The work you are doing is life saving.
Tricia
Emily, I’m so glad that this site is helping you. It’s important to keep this information about psychopathy
in mind, so you put the relationship with your ex in the proper perspective. Claudia
Tricia, you’re very welcome. I was helped too by finding information about psychopathy, because without reading clinical information (such as by Robert Hare) written in clear terms, you really can’t understand what you’re dealing with when you deal with psychopaths and narcissists. After the initial luring/idealization phase, their behavior seems to arbitrary and the switch from love to contempt too extreme to be understood in terms of any “normal” frames of reference. That’s because this kind of behavior is pathological. Claudia
I also am a survivor of a 2 yr marriage with a sociopath. The mental anguish has some times been unbearable, blaming myself for the end of the marriage. But I know now with the help of sites like this and books, that the man is pathological and very dangerous. I was just one in a number of victims in his life. My love and committment and devotion honesty meant absolutely nothing to him. Should I warn others about him? When I attempted to tell his mother of the abuse, manipulation and cheating he accused me of being crazy. And he twisted and projected constantly, lieing about me. What to do? How to save people from this deviant person who hides behind the mask of christinanity?
Sonya, psychopaths typically conduct such a smear campaign once they have secured other targets, to discredit you and give themselves more room to maneuver while protecting their external image. If they project all the blame on you, then they can convince others, including their family members, that you deserved the mistreatment. I don’t know what to advise you about letting his mother know about his potential personality disorder, because it depends on whether or not his mother is a sociopath or narcissist herself, in which case you’d be dealing with two disordered individuals, not just one. Usually I urge caution, since your goal now is recovery, cutting your losses, and moving on, not entangling yourself further with the psychopath and his family. Claudia