After the psychopathic bond is over and long after they realize they’ve been duped by a vicious individual, victims are left with a deep sense of betrayal and a lot of anger. One of the things that makes victims of psychopaths most angry is the sense of injustice. Because, truth be told, legally speaking, psychopaths don’t always get the punishments they deserve in life. First of all, sometimes they don’t get caught for their illegal acts. It took Drew Peterson staging a car accident and nearly killing his second wife, and killing his next two wives to finally be convicted and found guilty of murder, many years later. In the meantime he played cat and mouse games with the media, the public and the police and even demanded his own radio dating show during an interview.
Fortunately, Drew Peterson is an example of a psychopath who finally got caught and punished for his crimes. But what about the many psychopaths who get away with their crimes: sometimes quite literally with murder? There has been a lot of public speculation and disappointment with the outcomes of the O. J. Simpson and Casey Anthony trials, and those are only two of the more visible ones. How many other similar cases are out there that didn’t catch the media and the general public’s attention?
And what about the millions of criminal and sub-criminal psychopaths who get away with “lesser crimes,” of duping, manipulating, stalking, raping and defrauding countless victims in ways that are less obvious or difficult to catch and prosecute? How will they pay for their crimes and other wrongdoings? What justice will their tens of millions of victims find? Are their victims, who may be out of their life savings, with broken hearts, in poor health as a result of the psychopaths’ actions to suffer from a sense of injustice and betrayal for the rest of their lives? I say: NO. Why? Because even if the psychopaths may get away with their crimes and wrongdoings from a legal standpoint, they live the kind of lives that no healthy person would ever desire. Their lives are a nightmare.
There is a universal saying we hear in many languages and cultures: As you make your bed so you must lie in it. Even without legal repercussions, psychopaths and those who collude with and support them reap what they sow in life. When you feel a sense of anger that your psychopathic ex seems to thrive in spite of how much he harmed you and others, ask yourself this question: Would YOU want his life? Ultimately, did you choose his life or a life with him? Would you want to be in his new partner’s shoes? The answer any healthy person would give is: definitely NOT. No healthy person would want to be like a psychopath or with a psychopath.
To offer two relevant examples, since psychopaths are very often addicted to sex and power, especially when the two are combined. If the psychopath is fooling a new victim with his mask of sanity, pretending to be a caring, loving, loyal and committed family man while lying to her and sleeping around, would you want to lead this kind of double life? Would you want to be with a man who leads such a double life, lied to and cheated on by the person you love and trust? You’ve been in her shoes before and you hated that position enough to get out of the relationship. You never want to be in that situation again. You have enough self-respect that you never want to be with a partner who is so shallow, callous and duplicitous ever again. There’s nothing enviable or desirable about BEING like that or BEING WITH someone like that. As you make your bed so you must lie in it.
Suppose now that the psychopathic sex addict leads a life of overt sleaziness with his new partner. Tired of the more virtuous kind of partner from whom he must hide his true identity with all its addictions, sadism and perversions, he transitions to a partner who not only tolerates, but also gladly participates in the sleaze. Suppose they see themselves as being ahead of conventional morality; as libertine mavericks who don’t follow moral norms like sheep (see my previous article on The Psychopath as Self-Proclaimed Maverick).
Suppose then that the psychopath and his new partner now lead a life of sleaze, of colluding against others, of luring victims, duping them, rating them, berating them, making fun of them, gossiping about them to others, using them and dumping them: all this to boost their inflated egos and to fulfill their perverse sexual fantasies. Couching their sleazy lives in terms of “libertinage” or mores that are “beyond good and evil,” they feed and mirror each other’s narcissistic delusions, engaging in all sorts of perversions: wife swapping, sex parties, group sex, adult dating websites, etc. Ask yourself: what healthy person leads such a sordid life and what healthy partner would put up with it, much less enjoy it? Underneath the mantra of libertinage what you see is a pathetic reality of two narcissistic sex addicts and social predators being each other’s sloppy 10,000 seconds and getting their jollies from preying on other people like them or, worse yet, on unsuspecting innocent victims.
When colluding with a psychopathic sexual predator even willing victims get pimped, swapped, gang banged and debased no matter what pseudo-philosophical or pseudo-literary justifications the psychopath offers for such sleazy and perverted ways. Eventually even their sleaziest partners get used up and tossed away by the psychopath like dirty condoms, when their use value is gone or when a a better target or opportunity comes up. As you make your bed, so you must lie in it. And if you choose to lie next to a psychopathic partner, then you will eventually wake up next to an individual who uses you, demeans you under the guise of compatibility and love and who will one day callously toss you away to replace you with a new trophy.
Either way you look at it–being a Loser or being with a Loser (or both!)–you lose. Sure, we’d love to see the psychopaths land in jail for the financial fraud, statutory rape, professional violations, prostitution, drug dealing, date rape, and other illegal and immoral acts they commit. But keep in mind that psychopaths and their supporters DO get justice even if they don’t get punished legally for their crimes and immoral acts. Why? Because they lead the kinds of lives that any normal and healthy person would consider a punishment in itself: their reality is a nightmare.
Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness
Dangerous Liaisons: How to Identify and Escape from Psychopathic Seduction